Long Weekend at Suu’s
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BARBER'S CHAIR

Long Weekend at Suu’s


By DAVID PAQUETTE Wednesday, May 13, 2009


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This week the barber interviews pro-democracy icon John William Yettaw.

Question:  Lee Harvey Oswald. John Wilkes Booth. Mark David Chapman. John William Yettaw. Why do all nut-jobs have middle names?

Answer: Not sure. Maybe it’s a Facebook thing. This week, my cousin John Yettaw changed his Hi-5 name to John Paul Yettaw. I don’t know why. I’m just glad somebody has finally taken notice of me.

Q: Talking of Facebook, does Suu Kyi ever email you?

A: Of course she does. We have been in touch for years. She invited me to be her friend AND she invited me to join her cause. Of course she has to use a different name online, but I know it’s her.

Q: Did she invite you to swim across Inya Lake to her house for the weekend?

A: No, I just did that to surprise her. And boy, was she surprised!

Q: I hear you took some nice photos while you were at her house—one of yourself looking in the mirror and one of your flippers. Did you show them to Suu Kyi?

A: I did!

Q: What did she say?

A: She shouted at me to get the hell out of her bedroom. Then she threw one of her slippers at me. Then her maid came running into the room. Then they both started shouting at me. It was a bit of an anti-climax really.

Q: Then what happened?  

A: They said they were going to call the police. Then they changed their minds, because they thought they police might arrest them instead, you know, for failing to inform the authorities that they had an overnight guest. I offered them both $100 to let me stay. I even promised to do some of the housework.

Q: So what did you do all weekend?

A: The maid and I played scrabble while Suu played the piano. It was great. 

Q: Did you really?

A: No. Sorry. That was a lie. They locked me in a cupboard. But I heard her playing piano.  

Q: There was a report that when police caught you they found a pair of pliers and a five-liter plastic jug. Let me guess—you used the plastic bottle as a floating device and the pliers were for cutting through the fence.

A: Not exactly. It was a jug of Chardonnay. Suu Kyi told me online that she loves a glass of white wine on a Saturday night. So I swam across the lake with the jug strapped to my back.

Q: And the pliers?

A: Dentistry.

Q: Okey-cokey. So what about the future? Where do you go from here?

A: After I get back to the States I’ve got a full agenda. I’ve been invited onto some talk shows, I’ve signed a deal to write an autobiography and I’m doing a nationwide tour as an after-dinner speaker.

Q: Any thoughts of returning to Burma?

A: Of course. I’m hoping the UN send me back as an envoy.

Q: Thanks John. Do you want me to cut your hair now?

A: Yes please. And would you mind scratching my nose? I can’t do anything in this straitjacket.

COMMENTS (10)
 
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ac Wrote:
20/05/2009
Let's hope that something good comes of this seemingly horrible situation. How can we, outside and inside of Burma, help in this transition to democracy? Transition will be painful... let's hope it's more painful for the thugs than for the ones on the side of fairness.

Jimmy Boy Wrote:
19/05/2009
The chap who entered her house is selfish and inconsiderate. He should be kicked out of the country. We don't want nosy Americans to get involved in other countries' affairs.

Jack Wrote:
19/05/2009
Is John William Yettaw not a crazy man? Or has done this because he is getting a lot of money from Than Shwe? I cannot believe that he was able to swim across Inya Lake using a water bottle. This is impossible. I am sure J W Yettaw is a hired hand of Than Shwe and his group.

Yangonthu Wrote:
18/05/2009
This story makes me sick. Please remove it as soon as possible, for I'm afraid another insane person may copy this freestyle swimming to catch the attention of the world's media.

John William Yettaw should be in his country's famous Guantanamo prison as soon as possible to experience a new lifestyle.

Dave Wrote:
16/05/2009
Made me laugh :)

In times of trouble, etc...

Freebird170 Wrote:
15/05/2009
Her house arrest was just about to expire. This happened at quite a convenient time. It smells fishy to me. I would bet a million dollars that this is made up bull. Why people are listening as if they don't know what is already going to happen is way beyond me.

Wilson Wrote:
14/05/2009
I can not find the vocabulary that can describe the level of intelligence of Mr Yettaw. It is equally difficult to find vocabulary worth describing his selfish character and lack of concerns for others.

Suu Kyi was going to be released by the end of this month, and now she has a chance of going to jail for up to 6 years because of your visit. You are not even worth using foul language to describe. Even the word "worthless" is too much to describe you.

Simon Wrote:
14/05/2009
Is this interview for real?

Winnn Wrote:
14/05/2009
This is an extremely tasteless and offensive "humor" - totally inappropriate and making a cheap mockery of the seriousness of the situation, with potentially grave consequences to the already fragile and dispirited opposition. Please consider removing it.

nono Wrote:
14/05/2009
Nice story. Is there still anyone who would like to volunteer to be Daw Suu's friend like John? Long time, no friend, Suu Kyi. To me, John and Suu are not guilty by doing this. Than Shwe is an evil man against human nature.

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